The Garment

After a lot of deliberation over the design  to appear on the Japanese Gampi tissue garment,  I eventually settled on a simple route taken from a large Bristol A-Z map. One line was chosen and ran from our house to the bridge with some off shoots or variations on possible choices that Carl may or may not have made because that is what it is all about - I don't know how he got there, how he was feeling and just why he had to do it. Like everyone else who may have been abandoned through suicide, our lives change forever, our relationships with the world change forever  and our questions never cease. For some people this is difficult  to understand and the tragedy is not mentioned, for others they will offer support which is invaluable, but it is only the person affected who can truly make the repairs needed to be able to continue with the altered life that they now live.

So my garment looks beautiful, delicate and fragile; there is an attractive design but it is only on further questioning that it may e realised that the marks have a far deeper meaning. Also the techniques used: the paper was very fragile and difficult to manage just as out lives have been since loosing Carl. The design was burnt into the paper causing holes that had to be repaired very carefully and with meticulous attention to detail, but one wrong move would cause another tear.  These two images show parts of the garment -

The garment

Close up of Japanese Gampi Tissue with free machine embroidery repair

These pictures show the work in progress - working out where to place the chosen design, scorched marks on Japanese Gampi tissue, attaching the magic solvy with hand stitches ready to stabilise the work before repairing with machine embroidery.

Planning where to place the design

Scorched Japanese Gampi tissue 

making the repair

The last part of the garment was to add the buttons and hem. But after struggling to make the hem level, unpicking first attempt (which is very difficult as the paper becomes very weak and fragile) and then completing the second attempt I realised that this did not work. 

Hemmed garment

The garment had been closed, the subject finished and there was nowhere else to go with the idea. But I did not want to remove the hem straight away and have left the garment hanging in my bedroom until I decide just what to do because any  changes will be irreversible. 

The next image shows a sample with the hem scorched just at the marks which represent the end of the journey taken by Carl. Whilst a lot of repairing has happened and looks quite beautiful, the vulnerable issues of the design is now evident at the most poignant part. This suggests that the subject of why Carl died and how successful the repair to our lives has been will never be fully known, but we can look at the positive things that have happened and that whilst life will never be the same again, it can still be full of hope and beauty.

Scorched hem line

I now have to decide on an appropriate title for the work and how I might present the garment for the degree show. And there are the stories of physical objects that have been damaged and how the repair was managed; the typing has to be completed  and the pages bound together in a handmade book.

The Bridge

My work is all about mending after an emotional trauma an this week I have pushed it to the limit. I went back to the bridge where my husband ended his life and our dreams. I took my camera hoping to find something normal but usable as a design motive for my garment. A design that would tell some of my story but only for those who wanted to see it. But during my very emotional drive, I knew I had already decided what I was going to do - I had to find Carl's map that he had left on the day he died - the map that showed where he would be. But I didn't know which route he had taken:  this was easier to question than the why and how and  is symbolic of all the processing that occurs after suicide.

Inspired by a wonderful book called 'The Map as Art' (Harmon, 2009) I began to realise how I could make my idea work - I will pare down the routes - just a few lines will question the journey and what happened next. 

Guillermo Kuitica is an Argentinian artist whose work makes people visibly absent from his drawings and paintings. But are they visibly present? - The maps, diagrams and objects suggest  human activity as if time has momentarily been suspended until someone arrives and imparts meaning to the space.  The maps can be made of painted bones or barbed wire - death and danger characterise the journeys.

Guillermo Kuitca

Jonathon Parsons dissects maps - all but the selected routes  are removed as he finds intriguing visual elements. Here a deconstructed 1991 intercity rail map is dissected from a sheet of metal and presented as a sculpture.

Jonathon Parsons

Jessica Rankin explores the landscape of her mind in a series of mental maps, embroidered text and fragments from an array of mapping documents. Organdy  canvases hang away from the wall to suggest 'dream'

Jessica Rankin

Nothing else will be needed - the lines will  show the struggle that happens after suicide - they will symbolise the  numerous questions that will never be answered. But also they will show that mending can happen: the scorched lines of the routes will be repaired with a beautiful embroidery thread. I will use my paper nightgown as the canvas and add light to strengthen the processing of thoughts and emotions during the night.